Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Before You Say I DO Again, by Benjamin H. Berkley

A Buyer's Beware Guide to Remarriage!

Learning from the mistakes of a failed first marriage and telling yourself you will do better the next time around is like saying if you lose a football game you'll win the next one.  You will but only if you learn some new plays before you go back on the field.  Presented   by an attorney who has seen all the warning signs, "BEFORE YOU SAY I DO, AGAIN!" will teach those new plays to avoid coming up on the losing side again.

Note, book shelves are filled with warm and fuzzy titles authored by psychologists and family counselors.  Their message is to teach how to listen to each other and improve the relationship.  "BEFORE YOU SAY I DO, AGAIN!"is not a how to book to get back together or to stay together.  Instead it takes the gloves off and provides insight as to the issues one must consider before walking down the aisle a second time.  Tackling a serious subject, but presented in a sometimes whimsical fashion, "BEFORE YOU SAY I DO, AGAIN!" puts the brakes on the wedding ceremony and provides the reader with the questions that must be answered before she drives down the path of destruction.

In addition,   it provides information regarding the legal consequences of a failed second marriage. "BEFORE YOU SAY I DO, AGAIN!" is a "tell it is like it is guide"   to avoid an impending disaster.

  • Paperback: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Frederick Fell Trade (September 15, 2009)
  • Product Dimensions: 5.9 x 0.9 x 8.9 inches
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars

Praise for Before You Say I Do Again:

"According to Psychology Today, 60% of remarriages fail. What are the reasons? Why do people believe that whatever went wrong the first time won't happen again?  Have you gone through a divorce, found a new partner and are considering remarrying? Perhaps you're afraid of making the same mistake twice and are thinking of living together first? Do you wonder if you're doing the right thing?  Before You Say I Do, Again answers these important questions, and much more. Written by a divorce attorney with over 30 years of experience, the book is filled with insightful information, practical advice and statistics supported by research studies.  Besides being chock-full of information, author/attorney Benjamin Berkley writes in a simple, light, engaging style, making the reading experience enjoyable. The structure is clear and well organized. Best of all, it is written by someone who really knows what he's talking about. If you or someone in your life is considering remarrying, please do yourself a favour and get a copy of this book. It is definitely an eye opener." Mayra Calvani, BlogCritic Books

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. "Before You Say I Do Again: A Buyer's Beware Guide to Remarriage" is aimed at those who may be taking the dive into marriage the second time and want to be legally prepared this time around. Written from an attorney's perspective, he offers much advice people should know the second time around to see if you're truly ready to do it again. "Before You Say I Do Again" is a solid and highly recommended read that'll educate and make many people reconsider." Midwest Book Review

"Here's helpful advice from an attorney, packaged in a readable, insightful new book! Even if you've already remarried, you may gain valuable tips here that can help you construct, or re-construct, the legal details of your new marriage.  Divorced? Dating? Considering a new marriage? Pick up this book and read it carefully. You'll be glad you did." Dr. David Frisbie, The Center for Marriage & Family Studies

Benjamin H. Berkley

Image of Benjamin Berkley

Growing up in Long Beach, NY, young Ben Berkley was fascinated by daily black-and-white re-runs of the TV lawyer show Perry Mason. After getting a B.A. in Speech and Hearing from Adelphi University in Garden City, NY, Berkley earned his law degree from Western State University in Fullerton, CA. For the past 34 years he has conducted a busy general practice which includes divorce, estate planning, family law, social security disability appeals and bankruptcy. His books include Before You Say I Do Again, A Buyer's Beware Guide to Remarriage; My Wishes: Your Plan for Organizing and Communicating Your Family's Needs; The Complete Executor's Guide and Winning Your Social Security Disability Case. His debut novel, Against My Will, was published in September, 2012. He also writes a blog for the Huffington Post.

My Review

(From the Preface)"I just hope I don't make the same mistake twice." Believe it or not, this is the phrase most often spoken by a client at the end of a divorce hearing.

(From the Introduction) "WARNING LABEL: This book may cause anxiety. It is best read when consuming ice cream, chocolate, or alcohol. If you are starting a new relationsip, this book should be read once a day. If you are engaged, it should be read four times a day. Regardless, always consult your attorney if you feel an uncontrollable urge to get remarried."

(From Chapter 1) "A remarriage has one of the same partners who was present in your last marriage."

Those three statements should give you pause - especially if you are thinking about walking down the aisle a second time - or a third? Before You Say I DO is a book full of valuable information, and I might add - statistics. An alarmingly high number of first marriages end in divorce. That number multiplies tremendously for those willing to take a second shot at happiness. I do not wish to deter you from marrying a second time. I myself was divorced after 18 years of marriage and have been happily married for 15 years to my husband. Not all of us play a part in statistics.

Anyone who is married will tell you that marriage is a like a job. You work hard and the benefits can go beyond your wildest imagination, but, if you do not take your "job" seriously, divorce may be lurking around the corner.

The book is divided into four parts. Part One deals with Navigating the Sea of Divorce with chapter titles such as "Should I open a restaurant or remarry?" and "The legal and nonlegal consequences of divorce" (and other chapters).

Part Two finds you "Getting Ready to Say I Do Again! And has chapter titles such as "Getting emotionally ready to say I do again" "Remarrying for love or money?" "Getting financially ready to say I do, again" and "Are you ready for remarriage?" (and other chapters)

Part Three shows you how to "Kick the tires and check under the hood" with chapters such as "Buyer Beware!" "Sex and Remarriage" and "The Symptoms of Divorce-What you may have missed the first time around" as well as "A blueprint to a successful remarriage" (and other chapters).

Part Four brings us to "Compatibility" and Mr. New vs. Mr. Old - How do they compare?"

The author also includes a sample Prenuptial Agreement, Last Will and Testament with Guardianship, and Asset Organizer.

What this book does is open your eyes with stories and examples that will resonate with any reader who is divorced and contemplating a second marriage. In all of the drama surrounding divorce, we sometimes fail to remember our own part in the demise of the marriage. We find someone new, the sparks are flying, and we once again have stars in our eyes. The chances of those stars blinding you to reality are great. Before you say I DO again gives you a reality check. The author has stuffed the book full of wonderful advice, garnered from over thirty years as a divorce attorney, to help you navigate those unchartered waters with success the second time around.

It is an engaging book with helpful stories and should be required reading for the divorced person wanting to take a second chance. Benjamine Berkley has an engaging style and the book is well organized with self-explanatory titles. He has been a divorce attorney for over thirty years of experience and is using that knowledge to help people before they show up in his office with a second failed marriage.

If you are divorced and hoping to remarry, this is a great guide book and well worth the read. Do yourself a favour and pick it up.

If you found my review helpful, please consider voting "yes" for my review on Amazon by clicking the link below. Thanks!!

Purchase Before You Say I DO Again by clicking the book icon below:

Before You Say I Do Web Tour Schedule

Angela Shelton Feb 4 Review              
Angela Shelton Feb 5  Interview
Teena In Toronto Feb 6 Review                                
 MN Girl in LA Feb 7 Review                                       
JoyStory Feb 8   Review                
Melissa's Midnight Musings Feb11 Review                            
Melissa's Midnight Musings Feb 12 Guest Post
 My Life Feb 13                                
Books a'la mode Feb 14 Spotlight & Giveaway
 Live to Read Feb 15 Review                                      
Live to Read Feb 18 Guest Post  & G
 My Devotional Thoughts Feb 20 Review                               
 A Book Lover's Library Feb 21 Review                    
A Book Lover's Library  Feb 22 Interview
 So Many Precious Books  Feb 25 Review

Disclaimer / Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of the book with no obligation for a positive review. No compensation - monetary or in kind - has been obtained for this post. Cover art and book description courtesy of the author, publisher, or PR firm. 
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  1. Hi Donna! I'm back! LOL
    One thing I'm curious this a book that is equally as good for guys or gals?

    1. Hi there Snoodles! So glad to see you back. Missed you. I think the book is important for everyone. I contacted the author and we are hoping he weighs in on the subject. Donna

    2. Absolutely. In fact guys jump back on the bandwagon sooner than women and statistically, second marriages for men are shorter in duration than women.

    3. Thanks so much....I have someone in mind that I need to get this book for! :)

  2. Thanks for taking part in the tour. I'm so glad you can recommend Before You Say I Do. I wish I had it before my first marriage! My second marriage is going strong at 16 years now. I took some of Ben's advice the second time around without even knowing it.

    1. I enjoyed the book and found it quite informative. I did too without knowing it. A lot of it is common sense if you are a common sense person. Unfortunately, not everyone is. I've been happily married for fifteen years!


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