Monday, July 16, 2012

From the Heart – What we all long for

        I was reading an email that I received today and it immediately brought to mind my first marriage. The topic was about longing for a person to turn to, someone to defend you, and keep you safe.

Marriage Day
Marriage Day (Photo credit: Fikra)
        The reason I thought of my ex-husband was I did not receive this acceptance and love from him. He never defended me, in fact, he often belittled me and told lies about me. I learned the difficult lesson that without mutual love and respect, the relationship does not prosper and grow; it falters.

        Maybe I am a little old fashion, but my core beliefs are a husband/wife should love his wife/husband unconditionally. He should be willing to do battle for her - not against her, and above all, he should respect her. This was not what I found in my first marriage. I have heard my ex-husband’s family described as mean. Sadly, I would have to agree. I have bore witness to it on too many occasions; and since the divorce -16+ years ago-, some of the meanness has developed into hatred towards me; and the relationships with my daughters directly affected by the detestation.

        When I met my husband -Hubby-, I knew that I would not settle for less than I deserved. Love and respect had to be part of the package, or there would be no relationship. Having gone through a similar marriage and divorce, he felt the same. It was hard for me to trust in the beginning, but with him as a light in my life, I learned how to trust again.

        My marriage today is abundant in love, trust, respect, forgiveness, and a faith in God to guide us. Our marriage has been like the bed of roses in my garden. There are beautiful blooms, but there have also been pricks from thorns along the way. With God's help, we continue to prune the thorns. It is the definition of a marriage blessed by God, and one that nurtures both my husband and myself.

        I hope this post leaves you pondering, and I invite you to comment. What is your definition of marriage? Is there something you long for?

Thank you for visiting with me today.

"Say goodnight Gracie" - "Goodnight"


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  1. You've said it so well, Donna. If more people approached their marriage in this way, we would not have so many children in one parent homes, and all of the other "debris" that happens with divorce. So much heartache could be avoided.
    Thanks for a thoughtful post.

    1. Thanks for stopping by Snoodles. All it takes is a little respect AND communication to keep things on track.

  2. I agree unconditional love and respect the only way. be well

  3. I am divorced and remarried. My husband is wonderful and I too feel like I'm in a bed of roses now.
    Some studies say second time marriages fail at a bigger rate than first time marriages. I disagree and wonder who did this study? In my opinion, second marriages are stronger because 1) you know what you need in a partner and as you said, will not settle for less. 2) You have been divorced before and know it is not something you ever want to go through again so you're passionate and careful about making another commitment. and 3) You're older and wiser the second time.

    1. Thanks Debbie for stopping by and commenting. Thanks for the wonderful response. I, too, wonder who did that study.


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