Sunday, May 13, 2012

From The Heart – A Mother’s Love

         Another year has gone by and it’s Mother’s Day again. 

         I sit here in anticipation, hoping as I do each year that the phone will ring and when I say hello, this will be the year that my oldest daughter will be on the other end.

         It has been sixteen years since she last wished me Happy Mother’s Day. The pain in my heart increases each year and my breath catches as I try to keep the tears at bay. They fall eventually when I am able to find a moment alone, but for a while, I manage to hold them back. I am good at pretending, which is how I keep the tears at bay. Practice makes perfect as the saying goes. Maybe one day I’ll be perfect.

         It is hard sitting in church watching the mothers and daughters around me. I really have to focus hard during the part of the mass when the priest asks all mothers to stand for a blessing. My Hubby always makes me stand. He tells me that no matter what, I am a mother and I deserve my blessing just as all the other moms do. And, as I stand, my thoughts do not concentrate on the words of the blessings; they wander around in my head unfocused, wondering if I do deserve the blessing.

         About that time, God will grab my attention and help me to focus using happy memories from when my daughters were young, and I realize that He is telling me not to forget that He blessed me with children, and I am a mother and I do deserve my blessing on this Mother's Day.

        I know this post is a little bit of a downer for what should be a joyous occasion, but there are those us who end up with a little different day. It is not always through fault of our own, it is what life threw at us. I do know, as other mothers do, we always did the best we could with the tools we had at hand. Sure, there are decisions I'd make differently if I knew then what I know today. Unfortunately, life does not always provide us with the opportunity. Nevertheless, I love my children dearly, and I always  will; and for that, I do not need  their permission (to love them). That is one of life's little blessings for moms.

I received an email a couple of days ago from AFL (after fifty living) informing me that I had won a gift certificate and that my Mother's Day story would be featured in their newsletter. The story is about my daughter. Here is the link if you would like to read it:

Thank you to all who visited today. I invite you to leave your own thoughts on this Mother's Day.
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  1. I think I would agree with your God and say you deserve your blessing, and now maybe? its time to walk into the eye of the storm again and pick up the phone or go face to face? even write? some thing you do so well, time is a great healer, and I wish you well

    1. She's made it clear that she wants nothing. After a particularly nasty email she sent, she did inspire the story I wrote and it is being featured today. Maybe she'll see it.

  2. Stopping by from the list for the tour of SHADES OF MURDER. I will stop back when you have your review done. I have read the first two books of Lauren Carr's. You will love the characters and the storyline.



    Silver's Reviews

  3. You are a mother and you do deserve the blessing. They say time heals all things, but I'm not so sure about that. And I agree with the previous post, maybe you need to make the first step and reach out. Even if it doesn't work out, you will know that you tried.
    And you need to know that no matter what, you are loved and needed.

    1. Thank you for your thoughts. Time doesn't always heal but never say never I guess. I've taken a lot of first steps. I'm just a little more cautious now. Maybe she will read the story I wrote for her.

  4. Praying for you....we have not been able to talk to or see our son for three years now. He's made it clear that we are not welcome to contact him. Whether it is his desire, or he needs us to stay away in order to keep his young wife happy with him, we don't know. How I wish I could hug him, and hear his voice. We are blessed to have two others, a son and a daughter, who love us, and can't understand his anger and spite.
    We know just what you mean when you say you have tried. We have too. At this point we can only wait and pray. (We do send birthday and other cards, tho.)
    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  5. I would like to wish you a Happy Mother's Day! You are a mother even if your daughter doesn't contact you. BTW, my sister cut my parents out of her life for about 10 years and now she is back in my mothers life, so your right, never say never.

  6. Donna, I am so sorry. A mother's heart is indeed filled with so much love, but so easily broken.


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