Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

     So many of us utter those words as though we were actors on a stage spouting the lines of a Shakespearean play, but do they really comfort those we mean to console or are they merely words of condescension?
     Do we stop to think of the pain of the person with whom we are using those words to comfort? Do we really understand those words? Can we truly comprehend the pain of a person who has loved someone with all their heart and soul and then lost it if we’ve never experienced it? Do we dare?
     Each one of us has our own threshold of pain and our own level of love and to attempt to project those levels into another’s heart is like deciding we feel the same about chocolate. That rich dark substance gliding so smoothly across one person’s tongue bringing with it unimaginable delight may just be the substance that causes another to retch. We do not, cannot know, what sensation another is feeling.
     I have felt such deep, soul-wrenching pain at the emotional and physical separation from my children for so many years now that it has caused me to re-think that poignant phrase, “than never to have loved at all.” The pain is so great at times that I wish I had never loved at all. I have learned to separate my heart and emotions from myself. I live on the surface where emotions have ceased to exist. I have become detached from my sensors.
     Does it make the pain any less bearable? It truly does not, but it does sometimes change it to a dull, tolerable pain. I have learned not to look forward, to stay in the present, to not hope, nor to have expectations. This has been a complete change of pace, but a necessary one. I am a person who always looked forward, was always a step into the future, always planning. This unique circumstance has grabbed me by the coat tails, brought me to a standstill; and at times, flung me backward.
     Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved? My head is telling me yes, but my aching heart keeps beating no, don’t know, no, don’t know.


  1. It IS better to have loved and lost. Because "lost" isn't always forever. Often it's temporary misplacement. Children and parents go through stuff. But at the core, the love of parents and children stands as the most fierce with ties that simply cannot be broken. Never, never, never give up on that love or lose sight of its power. So says Bev.

  2. Wow that was deep. It makes me think twice about saying, even though I'm joking, "Man I can't wait until you guys are old enough to move out!" My oldest is 15 and before long he'll be going off to collage. He's thinking about going to Michigan State but man, the thought of that great a distance and not seeing him everyday struck a pain in my heart I didn't know I would have. Guess I better prepare my self....I've got what... two more years before he graduates....*gulp*.

  3. Thanks for the words of wisdom Bev.
    MJ - love them fiercly because circumstances change in an instant and you may never see it coming.


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